Take care of you
by silvermoongirl10
Summary: Different ways in which Spike looks after Winnie, starting with Winnie being ill while on shift. Bad summary!
1. Chapter 1

Spike walked into SRU smiling looking forward to seeing his girlfriend, Winnie. He and Winnie hadn't seen each other last night because she had pulled some over-time and also had the early shift (the same as Spike) and she called saying she just wanted to go to sleep as she felt very tired. Spike had tried to persuade her to come over but Winnie could be stubborn.

"_You sure you don't want to come over?" wheedled Spike,_

"_I already told you why I'm not" laughed Winnie,_

"_I've got some of your favourite Christmas cookies left over" baited Spike._

"_Spike" sighed Winnie, those cookies sounded really good to Winnie but she was sure she was coming down with an illness of some sort and just wanted to sleep, she didn't tell Spike this because she knew he would insist she take it easy and maybe not come into work. She loved that he cared, really she did. But she also couldn't afford to take time off work._

"_Well?" asked Spike, Winnie could hear the smile in his voice._

"_Spike I'm tired-"_

"_And you can sleep round mine; it wouldn't be the first time we've shared a ride to work after you've stayed over"_

"_Spike I'm tired and you've still got left over energy from Christmas and even though it's the tenth of January you're still whipping out the mistletoe and-"_

"_Ok I can see… well hear you've made up your mind and have a compelling case against me" laughed Spike, "see you tomorrow nice and early for shift"_

"_See you tomorrow"_

"_Love you"_

"_Love you more"_

"_Love you most"_

Spike walked towards the dispatcher's desk, he was ready to tell a joke to Winnie but it didn't come when he saw Winnie. She looked tired, worn out and when he heard her cough he winced in sympathy.

"You ok Win?"

"Hi Spike, yeah I'm fine" rasped Winnie.

"Need to go home?"

"No! I'm ok" insisted Winnie.

"If you're sure" replied Spike concerned as he walked to the locker room. He hoped today would be a quiet day so it would be easy on Winnie and also because Spike would be able to keep an eye on her. But today wasn't going to be an easy day with having two hot calls during their shift.

* * *

After returning to the SRU after the second hot call Spike wanted to head straight over to Winnie, but was needed to debrief because he had to defuse a bomb, it wasn't high tech or anything but as Ed pointed out he was the only one on the team who could talk about what it could have done to its intended target.

"I know you want to check on Winnie Spike, but once you've talked about the bomb and all questions have been asked and answered you can go check on her I promise" said Ed as he patted Spike on the shoulder. Spike nodded and let Ed guide him into the briefing room, on his way he caught a glimpse of Winnie and she looked worse, a lot worse.

* * *

Winnie watched Spike and Ed go into the briefing room five minutes ago; she tried to muffle her coughs but ended up hunched over in her chair unable to get enough breath into her lungs. Winnie looked up when she felt a hand on her shoulder; she wasn't surprised to see Spike crouched next to her.

"I don't think you're feeling too good now are you?" he murmured.

"Not really" rasped Winnie,

"Come on its end of shift, I'm taking you to my place so I can look after you"

Winnie nodded; Spike helped her up from her chair. They passed Sid who gave Winnie a sympathetic glance as he signed in on the computer. Spike led Winnie to the women's locker room; Leah came over and helped Winnie to her locker while Spike went to the men's locker room to change.

Spike came out to see Leah and Winnie sat on a bench, Winnie looked up at him as she heard the locker room door shut. As she stood up she suddenly felt dizzy and swayed on her feet, if it wasn't for Spike's and Leah's quick reflexes she would have ended up sprawled on the floor.

"Winnie?" asked Leah as she and Spike helped Winnie to sit on the bench again,

"I'm ok" replied Winnie,

"You are _not_ ok!" argued Spike as he shook his head. He felt Winnie's forehead and pulled his hand back, "you have a fever!"

Winnie tried to prove her point that she was fine by standing up, but felt dizzy again. Next thing she knew Spike crouched next to her and put an arm under her knees and behind her back and lifted her up.

"I can walk Spike" protested Winnie weakly,

"No you can't" replied Spike firmly. Leah followed them out to hold doors open for Spike; Leah opened the passenger's door on Spike's car and comfortingly squeezed Winnie's shoulder and nodded at Spike before leaving. Spike climbed into the driver's seat and looked at Winnie as another coughing fit took over; when it had past Winnie was left struggling for breath. She looked over at Spike who had a look of concern, Winnie was about to tell him she was fine but before she could Spike wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled Winnie until she was leaning on his shoulder and he said softly,

"You had better not try to say you're fine again, because you're not".

"I can't get much past you can I?" smiled Winnie,

"No you can't"

They stayed like that for a few moments before Spike gently pushed Winnie back into her seat and started the car. The whole way back to his apartment he kept shooting glances at Winnie, who by the time they reached his apartment had fallen into a light sleep. Spike smiled at how peaceful she looked, but he knew to get the proper rest she needed he had to get her inside. He walked over to Winnie's side and opened the door and unbuckled her seatbelt, Spike smiled when in her sleep Winnie shifted so she was leaning against him, he picked her up and closed the door with his leg. He carried Winnie upstairs and laid her on the bed and rushed back to the car to get their bags.

Spike got a glass of water and made his way back to the bedroom, there he found Winnie getting back into the bed after getting changed.

"You're supposed to be resting" he said as he placed the glass on the bedside cabinet next to her.

Winnie looked up at him smiling "I needed to get changed"

Spike shook his head as he went back out to the kitchen; he made sandwiches for both of them and carried them back to the bedroom, he placed Winnie's sandwich next to her glass of water.

"I'm not hungry" she said,

"I made it just in case you did get hungry and it wouldn't matter if it got cold"

"You think of everything don't you?"

"Yes I do" he replied in a serious tone before they both burst out laughing. Despite the time only being eight o'clock Spike got changed and put the T.V on and he climbed into bed beside Winnie and wrapped an arm around her, after five minutes he felt Winnie slump against him and he looked down to see she had fallen asleep. Smiling he turned the T.V off and fell asleep with Winnie securely in his arms.

* * *

Spike was jolted awake, Winnie had moved and he looked over to see her munching on her sandwich. She seemed to know she was being watched and looked over at him and mumbled "I got hungry"

Spike laughed "I can see that!" while checking the alarm clock which read 2:52 am.

Winnie gulped down the rest of her water and then snuggled up to Spike; he brought a hand up to her forehead, and said "well at least your fever seems to have gone down a little. Feeling better?"

"I'm fine"

"Sure" said Spike sceptically,

"Really I'm fine, so can we go ice skating as planned?" replied Winnie angling her head to look up at Spike,

"You've not long gotten over the flu Win"

"And this will teach me to walk around with wet hair after washing it in the winter, but really I'm feeling better"

"Well we'll see how you are in the morning"

"Thank you" smiled Winnie kissing Spike,

"I haven't said we're going yet"

"I'm sure you will"

"It's like dealing with a child" sighed Spike good humouredly.

"Now you know how I feel on a daily basis" smirked Winnie.

"Hey! Now _that_ was uncalled for!"

"Still true"

"Right that's it!" and Spike began mercilessly tickling Winnie, but he stopped suddenly when Winnie had another coughing fit.

"Winnie I'm sorry!"

"Spike-"

"Are you alright?"

"Spike-"

"Let's sit you up it'll help with your breathing"

"Spike!"

"What?"

"It's not your fault" at Spike's unconvincing look Winnie sighed and said "fine as you are determined to take blame for this, even though it _isn't_ your fault, I will forgive you if we go ice skating tomorrow"

"We'll see, love you"

"Love you more" murmured Winnie as she felt sleep closing in on her,

"Love you most" whispered Spike, and he settled down beside Winnie.

* * *

Spike woke up at nine and looked over to see Winnie still sleeping, but her breathing seemed laboured. Spike knew she was a deep sleeper so he gently raised her more on her pillows and her breathing improved. Spike kissed her forehead and got out of bed to make himself some breakfast and a coffee.

Half an hour later while Spike was reading a book he couldn't see the words in front of him because Winnie had snuck up behind him and covered his eyes.

"So we going ice skating?" she asked in a sing-song voice,

Spike laughed and felt her forehead "well you don't seem to have a temperature"

"So is that a yes?"

"Yes, but-"

"Then let's go!" squealed Winnie as she made to dash to the bedroom, but Spike grabbed hold of her and said,"

"_But_ you have to have a really warm coat on, with a hat, gloves and scarf. Also however long we are there you will have a hot chocolate every hour. Got it?"

"Yeah I got it" smiled Winnie, "so let's go!" and she pushed a laughing Spike towards the bedroom to get ready.


	2. Chapter 2

Spike and Winnie had spent three hours at the ice rink; it was one of Winnie's favourite things to do. She had dressed up warmly like Spike said she had to, but instead of making Winnie have a hot chocolate every hour Spike made her have on every half hour. Winnie had rolled her eyes but drank the hot chocolate anyway; she knew Spike was only trying to look after her. Winnie was lost in her thoughts until Spike pulled them to a stop.

"It hasn't been half an hour yet" pointed out Winnie,

Spike just smirked, "I wasn't stopping because of that. It's getting really cold now so we should go back to my place"

"But-"

"No buts, and anyway we've been here for three hours. So come on"

"Only if you can catch me" laughed Winnie as she turned and raced off. Spike rolled his eyes and took off after Winnie, she was fast he'd give her that, but he soon caught up to her. He grabbed her around the waist and picked her up with one arm and carried her off the ice to Winnie's protests.

"Spike!"

"I said we are going"

"Did you have to pick me up like this?!"

"Yes"

"This is so undignified!"

"Shouldn't have raced off then should you?"

"I hate you"

"No you don't"

Winnie sighed, "You're right I don't. Can you put me down now?"

Spike laughed as he put Winnie back on her feet, Winnie pouted at him trying to maybe let her get back on the ice. Spike shook his head then leant forward and kissed away her pout.

####

They arrived back at Spike's apartment and once he closed the door he watched as Winnie dropped her coat, hat, gloves and scarf onto the floor and she turned to face him smirking as he rolled his eyes and hung the discarded items up and he looked at her with raised eyebrows.

"Consider it payback for making me leave the ice rink"

"You're still going on about that?" teased Spike,

"Well it is my second favourite place to be you know"

"Ok, so where's your favourite place to be?"

"With you" smiled Winnie,

"Well I might forgive you now for dropping your things on the floor" said Spike,

Winnie laughed and wrapped her arms around him and he dropped a kiss to her head. "You feel a little cold you should go have a warm shower as we don't want you getting sick. _Again_" urged Spike,

Winnie laughed again and kissed him before going to the bathroom, she didn't bother locking the door because she knew at some point Spike would come in and check on her like he always did if she was ill she had joked what could possibly happen? Drowning unlikely and he had laughed saying you never know. She turned the shower up letting the small room steam up; she always liked having a hot shower in a steaming bathroom. She stepped into the shower and relished in the hot water. She tipped her head back and enjoyed the feeling of the water running down from her hair and down her back. She leant against the tiled wall and slid down, enjoying sitting on the floor with the water raining down on top of her.

Winnie didn't know how long she had been sat like this but it must have been a long time because she heard the bathroom door open and Spike ask "Winnie?"

Winnie was about to reply but water rushed into her mouth stopping her from saying anything as she spluttered out the water.

"Winnie?!" called Spike worriedly, he fully walked into the bathroom and seeing Winnie on the floor of the shower he wrenched the door to the shower open and turned off the water and bent down next to Winnie.

"Are you ok?"

Winnie looked up at him and replied "yeah"

"What were you _doing_?"

"I was enjoying the feeling of the water falling on me"

"You had me worried" said Spike as he shook his head,

"Why?" asked Winnie, Spike stood up and reached for a towel and wrapped it around Winnie before replying.

"Because you were taking longer than normal and when I came into the bathroom you didn't reply and I saw you slumped against the wall so I thought something had happened"

"I'm ok Spike" said Winnie as she hugged him, she hated worrying him she really did, he got that look on his face and in his eyes that took a long time to disappear. Winnie thought this was because Spike had already lost so many people close to him that he worried about anyone he cared about.

Spike let out a breath, "come on you need to get dry"

Even though it was still light outside Winnie got changed into her pyjamas, she got out the hairdryer and began drying her hair. Spike sat on the bed watching her, Winnie could see that he was still worrying about finding her in the shower, but she didn't know what she could say to make him feel better. Despite feeling better her arms were stiff and she found it difficult to brush her hair, Spike seeing this stood up and tugged her arm and sat her on the bed and sat behind her and brushed her hair. The soothing strokes were lulling her to sleep; she leaned against him and closed her eyes. Spike stopped brushing her hair and just ran his fingers through her hair with one hand and with the other he hugged her closer.

####

Spike and Winnie had sat like this for fifteen minutes; Spike looked down to see Winnie was asleep. He smiled and tried to shift out from behind her so she would be lying flat on the bed, but when he tried to move Winnie moaned in protest in her sleep. Spike chuckled and moved himself further up the bed and leant against the pillows with Winnie still in his arms.

He remembered seeing Winnie in the shower in the floor and he shuddered, just seeing her like that scared him, it scared him to think something could have happened to her and he didn't hear if she called out to him. He would have failed her like he failed everyone he'd ever cared about, he looked down when he felt Winnie put a hand on his cheek and gently run her thumb over his cheek.

"You don't need to worry Spike"

"How did you know what I was thinking?"

"Because I know you, you have nothing to blame yourself about"

"I just thought something had happened and I would have failed you like I have done with everyone I've ever cared about"

"Spike, you have never failed, things happen that are out of your control and it is _not_ your fault, got it?"

Spike smiled at her "what did I do right to deserve you?"

"You were you" smiled Winnie as she kissed him.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N I know that by the time Winnie and Spike had been dating for a year Greg would have retired and Sam would have been Team 3's leader, but for this I am ignoring those details, if that bothers you sorry. Enjoy!**

Spike and Winnie had been living together for six months (they had both sold their apartments and bought a small house) and had been dating for a year, and in all this time Winnie had never seen Spike this frustrated and angry before. It had been a difficult shift, resulting in a 15 year old boy who was a hostage getting killed and the subject being taken out by Ed. Winnie had finally managed to get hold of the subject's wife and had to tell Greg that the man, Jeffery Wellington, had wanted to kill himself but had never gone through with it and decided to go through with suicide by cop.

Spike had driven them home, Winnie had offered but Spike had just gotten in the driver's seat and Winnie didn't want to argue with Spike acting like this. The drive home had been made in silence, once the car stopped on their driveway Spike killed the ignition and got out the car slamming his door. Winnie sighed and took their bags in; she walked into the kitchen to see Spike getting a beer out of the refrigerator.

"Do you think that's a good idea Spike?" asked Winnie in concern.

Spike didn't look at her, just stared at the beer for a few moments before replacing it in the refrigerator and got a glass of water and sat at the kitchen table. Just staring at the wall.

"Spike?" asked Winnie as she sat across from Spike, he said nothing. "Spike I know today was a tough call-"

"Really? You know how tough it was do you?" Spike snapped, Winnie recoiled slightly in her chair, she had never heard Spike sound like this when he wasn't on a call, and even then it didn't happen often.

"I was listening to it happen" Winnie replied softly, she knew Spike was only taking his anger out on the nearest thing, which happened to be her.

"Exactly. You were _listening_, you didn't _see_ it happen" snapped Spike as he stood up from his chair and stared down at Winnie.

"Spike-"

"Do you have any idea what it is like to watch as an innocent 15 year old boy loses his life right in front of you? No you don't because you're sat behind a desk-"

"You think sitting at that desk is _easy_?" exploded Winnie as she also stood up from her chair and stared back at Spike. "Because I'll tell you it isn't"

"How is it not easy?" scoffed Spike.

"While you're out in on a call you see what is going on and if anything happens to someone on the team you know if they are ok or not, yes sometimes you don't, you rely on your headsets"

"What's your point?"

"My point is, remember when Greg got hurt defusing that bomb? And how you only knew what was happening by what you heard? However you felt then is how I feel on _every_ hot call"

"But-"

"No listen Spike. Yes I can't understand how you feel after seeing what happens. But you have _no idea_ how it feels to sit there and listen while people you care about are in harm's way and there is _nothing_ you can do. You have no idea how it feels not knowing if your friends or the love of your life will be walking through the SRU doors again"

Spike's anger left him and he wanted to take back what he had said but his raw nerves after seeing what he had that day made him lash out with "whatever" as he sat back down. He immediately regretted it, before he saw the hurt flash across Winnie's face as she turned and left the room and went upstairs. Spike slumped forward and put his head in his hands, "Spike you idiot, what did you do that for?" he groaned.

Spike looked up when he heard Winnie talking on her cell phone and realized he had been sat in the same position for an hour and a half. Winnie walked into the kitchen and as she grabbed a bottle of water Spike heard her say "no its fine. I'll be there in twenty minutes. It's fine don't worry go look after your mom. Ok bye" as she hung up on her call she was about to leave the room when Spike asked,

"What's going on?"

Winnie turned to face him and replied flatly "Jane's mom has gone to the hospital as she tripped over and hurt herself and there is no one else who can cover the rest of Jane's shift so I'm going in"

"Winnie I'm sorry-"

"Let's talk about it later Spike" sighed Winnie,

"But-"

"Spike I have to go Jane has to wait until I get there and I know she wants to get to the hospital as fast as she can"

"Winnie listen-"

"Spike its ok, you don't need to say sorry" said Winnie, Spike walked over to her and gripped both her shoulders and said "no I need to say sorry because I should never had said what I did"

Winnie brushed a hand against Spike's cheek and she softly said "I know Spike, it's been a hard day and I don't mind you taking it out on me as I'd prefer you doing that than taking it out on some other Police Officer and getting in trouble because of it"

"But you shouldn't be ok with me saying things like that"

"Spike its fine and it's not like you say things like that all the time" Spike kissed Winnie deeply in a way of thanking her and a way of saying sorry.

"I've got to go" said Winnie regrettably,

"See you later; I'll come pick you up"

"No its fine, I'll be finishing at 1 am and you should try and sleep"

"I doubt I'll be sleeping much tonight"

"Just try and get some sleep and even if you do wake up just wait for me here ok?"

"Ok" Spike walked with Winnie to the door and waved her off and went to make himself something to eat.

* * *

Spike gasped awake and sat up in bed and saw the alarm clock ready 1:02, so Winnie would be on her way home. Spike hadn't been woken by memories from the call the day before surprisingly, but because he felt something was wrong with Winnie, something had upset her greatly. Spike made his way downstairs and sat on the stairs and waited for Winnie. He knew it would take her fifteen minutes to drive home. So he had fifteen minutes to wonder what had upset Winnie.

Before he knew it he saw car headlights pull up on the driveway, after the lights switched off it took longer than Winnie normally took for him to hear the shutting of a car door. He heard Winnie's key turn in the lock, as she entered the house Winnie didn't switch the light on so Spike took the opportunity to take in the way Winnie was acting. She threw her keys to the side and leant against the door sniffling. Spike stood up and made his way over to her.

"Winnie?"

Her head snapped in his direction, "Spike? What are you doing awake?"

"Couldn't sleep"

Winnie nodded and looked to the floor, her knees buckled and she sank to the floor and pulled her knees up to her chin and wrapped her arms around her legs.

"Winnie?! What's wrong?" asked Spike as he crouched in front of her.

"Kyle from Team 2"

"Is he ok?"

Winnie tried to answer but no sound came out, so instead she shook her head, then found her voice "he's… dead"

Spike gaped in shock and didn't know what to say, Winnie continued almost in a trance "the two subjects had planted two bombs, they were small and low tech according to Harry" Spike nodded, Harry was Team 2's bomb tech but Spike wondered what had happened to Kyle. Spike was drawn back to what Winnie was saying, "While Harry was defusing the first bomb one of the subjects opened fired and wounded him, but he had already managed to defuse the bomb, that subject was taken in. But someone needed to defuse the second bomb and Kyle was nearest and said he'd do it. Sergeant Carter told me to read to Kyle the transcripts of what Harry said he needed to do to defuse his bomb while Carter spoke to the arrested subject. Kyle was defusing the bomb when the remaining subject opened fired, he wounded Kyle badly. And Kyle tried to defuse the bomb but the subject shot at it and caused it to blow killing himself and Kyle" finished Winnie in a whisper.

Spike wrapped his arms around Winnie, "oh Winnie" he murmured. Winnie broke down and cried "all I could do was sit there and call out to Kyle what he needed to do and maybe if I had been faster reading through the transcript-"

"Don't go there Winnie. Trust me when I tell you that there is nothing good down that road" Spike said sternly as he held a hand either side of Winnie's face, "I know what you're going through, I went through it after Lou died and it took me a long time to realize that there was nothing more I could have done and listening to what you have just said there was nothing more you could have done, got it?"

"But I had to re-read the transcript to try and find the relevant information Kyle needed, that took valuable time!"

"Right Winnie how long did Kyle have on the timer when he started to defuse it?"

"Four minutes"

"How long when the subject opened fired?"

"Three minutes and forty seconds"

"Right listen to me Winnie. He had time, and even if you had read it quicker and Kyle had defused it once that subject shot that bomb it still would have gone off. It's not your fault, understand?"

Winnie nodded her head slowly, "it just brought back memories of Greg last year"

Spike nodded remembering the terror he had felt having to tell his teammates how to defuse the bombs and the thought that Sam had died and then hearing as Greg while wounded defused a bomb and Spike remembered hearing Ed's pained voice over the head set screaming for a medic. Spike pulled himself out of his thoughts when he heard Winnie whisper "it also made me think of how easily it could have been you" she said looking in his eyes.

Spike smiled reassuringly, "nah wouldn't be me, I'm too lucky to get shot" the small joke had the desired effect of bringing a small chuckle to Winnie.

"Come on you need to get some sleep" Spike said as he pulled Winnie up to her feet.

"I don't think I could sleep"

"What did you tell me earlier? That I should at least try and get some rest"

Winnie looked at Spike with his folded arms and stubborn look, she gave a small smile and linked her fingers with his and followed him up the stairs.

Spike wrapped his arms around Winnie as she tried to fall asleep, once she had only then did Spike allow himself to fall asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Today's date was engrained into Spike's brain and not for a good reason. Four years ago today Lou died and unfortunately for Spike during his shift there was a bomb call. On their way to the bomb it had gone off and they learned of a second bomb, while Spike was defusing it word came in of a third bomb. He paused for a moment and all the horrifying memories came flooding back.

"Spike" Spike jumped at the sound of Ed's voice in his ear.

"Y-Yeah Ed?" stammered Spike as he pushed the memories to the back of his mind.

"What do you want to do about the second bomb? I can send Leah-"

"NO!" yelled Spike into his headset.

"Spike-" tried Ed,

"No Ed. No one goes near that bomb but me. Got it?"

"But Spike it's got twenty minutes left!"

"And I'm done here" Spike said as he cut the wire "Ed listen to me. No one is going to go near that bomb ok?"

"Spike sending Leah out there isn't going to end the same way it did with Lou-"

"Not thinking about that"

"Are you sure Spike?"

"Ed right now isn't the time. Just don't let anyone go near it ok?"

"You got it Spike" sighed Ed.

* * *

Spike breathed a sigh of relief when he cut the wire on the third bomb. As he walked away with the bomb to dispose of it his breathing hitched when he thought of doing the same thing four years ago it was the last time he saw Lou. After disposing of the bomb Spike walked back towards his team and he heard the last words Lou had ever said.

"_It's gonna be ok"_

"No it's not" Spike murmured, he hadn't realized he said it out loud until Ed asked,

"What did you say Spike?"

"N-N-Nothing"

Ed just stared at him and Spike looked at the floor as he said "are we all set to head back to the barn?"

"Yeah, come on" replied Ed.

* * *

Spike walked towards the dispatcher's desk, his hands were slightly shaking and he just needed to see Winnie, she was the one thing that had seemed to go right since Lou had said those last words.

She looked up at him and over the desk grasped his hand, she felt the tremors and asked "you ok?"

"Fine" replied Spike as he plastered a smile on his face. One look at Winnie and he knew she had seen through it.

Pete came up behind Winnie and Winnie waved goodnight to him as she headed to the women's locker room to get changed, she continued to hold Spike's hand until she reached the door to the locker room.

Spike came out of the locker room at the exact time as Winnie, if it was any other day and he would have laughed. Just not today. This worried Winnie because she knew him so well she knew he would have laughed about it. She took his hand and guided him out of the building and towards their car, without a word Winnie gently pushed Spike towards the passenger door and got in the driver's seat. Spike leaned over and turned the radio on, as the song came through the speakers Spike froze and his eyes widened. Winnie knew why, the song playing was Lou's favourite song; he used to go around either singing it or humming it as he walked around the SRU. Spike hastily turned the radio off and slumped down in his seat.

Winnie pulled up on their drive and as they walked up to the front door Winnie asked "what would you like for dinner?"

"Not hungry" came the murmured response. "I'm gonna go to bed" and with that Spike walked upstairs and all Winnie could do was watch as Spike had to more or less drag himself upstairs.

It was only half eight in the evening and Winnie made herself some pasta and a sandwich for Spike in case he got hungry. She smiled to herself remembering Spike making her one when she was ill. She then busied herself cleaning the downstairs of the house. All this took an hour and she then went upstairs. When she entered the bedroom she almost burst into tears, Spike was tossing and turning, his forehead glistening with sweat and muttering "I'm sorry… Lou don't!... Lou!" Spike's eyes snapped open. He was trembling as he sat up. He didn't seem to know Winnie was in the doorway of their bedroom and he went to place a hand on her to reassure himself she was still here but when he faced her side of the bed she wasn't there. Spike gasped as he looked around the room "Winnie?!"

Winnie moved forward "it's ok Spike I'm here" she soothed as she sat on the bed next to him.

Spike pulled her in for a tight hug and he murmured to himself although Winnie was able to hear him. "I thought I had lost you as well"

"No you haven't"

"I loose everyone I care about" choked Spike,

"But you're not going to lose me" Winnie comforted as she gently ran her fingers through his hair.

Twenty minutes later they were both asleep again but Spike's sleep didn't stay undisturbed. His dreams were plagued by the events from four years ago mixed with his own fears from the present.

_The same as what happened four years ago Spike walked away to dispose of the bomb, and as he walked towards the team he heard Lou telling him it was going to be okay. He then heard Winnie's voice through the headset._

"_Spike I know how to save Lou!" she cried._

_Spike turned to see Winnie running towards Lou._

"_Winnie stop! He's going to step off the landmine!" Spike yelled, he tried to stop her but an invisible force held him back._

"_WINNIE!"_

_BOOM. Lou had stepped off the landmine. Spike watched as Lou's body was flung to the side and watched as Winnie was tossed backwards from the blast and heard her head whack against the concrete ground._

_Spike ran, he knew Lou was gone, but maybe Winnie was ok. He skidded to a stop next to Winnie, and checked for a pulse it was there. But weak._

"_Winnie? Can you hear me?"_

"_Spike" groaned Winnie; she looked up at him, her breathing hitching and becoming shallow. "Spike I'm sorry, I should have listened-"_

"_No shh you have nothing to be sorry for"_

"_I love you"_

"_I love you to, but stay with me Winnie" Winnie's eyes began to flutter shut, "no Winnie please don't leave me"_

"Spike I'm not leaving"

_But Winnie's eyes closed and she was no longer breathing. "Winnie!" cried Spike._

"It's ok Spike"

"_No it's not! It's never going to be ok!" he sobbed as he held Winnie close._

"Spike wake up!"

For the second time Spike's eyes snapped opened for him to find himself in his and Winnie's bedroom. Winnie was leaning over him while shaking his arm.

"Winnie?" choked Spike,

"I'm right here, it was just a bad dream"

Spike sat up and hugged Winnie tightly and tried to keep his tears at bay, but Winnie's soothing caused a few tears to escape and soon he was sobbing onto Winnie's shoulder.

"It shouldn't have been him" sobbed Spike,

"Who Spike?" asked Winnie as she brushed away his tears with her thumb.

"Lou, I'm the bomb tech I should have made sure no one went to that bomb like I did today"

"Spike it could have been you then"

"I know, but Lou-"

"Don't Spike. You told me when Kyle died that there is nothing down that road, right?"

Spike nodded looking at Winnie and counting his lucky stars that she hadn't run off at the hint of his emotional baggage.

"Spike I wouldn't do that" Spike realized he had voiced those thoughts and squeezed Winnie's hand.

"Spike everyone has their emotional baggage yours is just more than what some others carry and you shouldn't be sorry for doing your job"

"When did you get so wise?" asked Spike trying to make a joke to keep his mind off what had been plaguing his dreams.

"After my mom told me something similar after what happened to Jane"

"Who's Jane?" asked Spike,

"My best friend from High School. When we were 16 we were walking home from school and crossing the street when a car came out of nowhere. I was later told the driver was drunk. But they hit Jane and I, well I was only thrown to the side and got away with a broken wrist, but Jane… she was killed. For months afterwards I blamed myself thinking I could have done something".

"No you couldn't have" said Spike softly,

"That's exactly what my mom kept telling me and then I understood she was right. It's different situations Spike, but it's really the same thing. There's nothing you could have done, you were all doing your jobs"

Spike nodded understanding what Winnie was saying and for the first time in four years he felt a little less guilty about what had happened.

"Thank you Winnie" said Spike as he kissed Winnie.

"Nothing to thank me for" she replied snuggling down next to him. For the rest of the night Spike's sleep wasn't plagued by the horrifying memories of four years before and he had Winnie to thank for it.


End file.
